CRAZY AWESOME LEMON MOUSSE

Ok, I am going to do this one in two parts. First will be the mousse, as it is easier to make. The lemon butter is a bit tricky (in other words, I have to make it again to remember how I did it the first time!).

I believe in sweets. Sweets are what makes life worth living when your a single woman with no time for sweet lovin' action with the lads. Sweets finish the day. They get you ready for a night alone with True Blood.

Um, oh shit, yeah, enough about my sad night life.

So to the recipe for the creamy lemon mousse pud. This recipe is raw, vegan, gluten free and sugar free. It can be made with honey (not vegan) or maple syrup if you prefer.

I just invented -

Crazy Lemon Mousse

Ingredients

To make 1 generous serve or two wimpy ones that will leave you crying for more.....

1 cup of cashews soaked overnight in water.
1/2 squeezed lemon and its zest (add more lemon juice at the end if you like it)
1 1/2 teaspoons of natural sweetener of choice
Water, about 1/4 of a cup to start and then add in table spoons if you need more.
1/2 teaspoon powdered ginger

Method

Chuck all the ingredients in a whizzer of your choice (vitamizer, cafe express, food processor)
Whizz until smooth, add more water and lemon juice and sweetener as needed. Should be a mousse like consistency. The cashews get very smooth. To serve, top with a tablespoon of lemon butter, a sprinkle of powdered ginger and a slice of lemon. If you don't have lemon butter mix some sugar free jam with lemon juice. NOM! 

Using whizzed cashews is so cool. You could make choccie mousse or a berry one, vanilla or even use it as a base for kick arse vegan savoury dips. And it is good for you, well, as long as you don't have anaphylactic reactions to nuts. But hell yeah! This shit is good for you and nearly anyone can eat it. Even kids will gobble this stuff up. I love giving it to my 'I hate nuts' daughter!

Triple YUM BUMS for this one.

Insane Toasties.

 Recipe 2 of the meal planner.

Yes, Aussies do like to put either 'ies' or 'zza' or 'ster' at the end of words.

So here is a Toastie recipe for Vonnsta and Jezza from The Tarnster.

Again this is low carb and gluten free. It could be made vegan by omitting everything in it alltogether and replacing with other stuff like mushrooms and tofu cheese or toffuti cream cheese and semi dried tomatoes.

Mine is a classic ham and cheese toastie using free range ham.

Make it Veggo and use Mighty Mite, or Promite, or Vegemite. Just put whatever you put on your normal fucking sandwich yeah. I like Mighty Mite because it is gluten free and made and owned in Aus.

The thing I am finding with going low carb, is I am so friggin full after each meal, and I don't really get peckish later on. My kid is snacking less too, although she does have more carbs than me in the way of more fruit and a bit of gf bread and a bit of milk.

Served with a stick of celery coated with yummy natural peanut butter. I was so full after eating this. I made the photo look like it came out of the Women's Weekly cook book from the 70's. Crazy.

Method

Place a tortilla on your sandwich maker or under the griller
Stack all your ingredients on the tortilla  (I used a gluten free one. They are really expensive so a special treat for me. But if your not gf they are pretty cheap.)
Close the sandwich maker to just hovering above the ingredients
Close the griller but leave the door open or the house will catch on fire
Cook until crispy and melty and yum.

 EAT IT! SO GOOD!

Blue Breakfast Shakey

This is part 1 of my 'menu planner' that my bestie Vonnie asked me for. This shakey is great any time of day but I usually have one for breakkie. They are awesome because you can put anything in them, even bacon if you really want to.

I call them shakey's because smoothie sounds like a type of pooh, or a misogynist or something.

Shakies are vegan or veggo unless you put in the bacon. I don't use milk or soy as they are packed with carbs, which is what I am avoiding at the mo. So almond milk, cream, any nut milk, coconut milk. I sometimes like to add a raw egg. It makes me feel like Rocky Balboa.

I also usually use protein powder. My friend Jack, who has lots of muscles, gave me a huge jar of the stuff because he didn't like the flavour. Pfft, it doesn't have any flavour Jack. You can get pea or soy protein or whey and a bunch of other ones but don't get flavoured ones or ones with loads of additives. I like the pea because it is absolutely flavourless and has nothing else added. It does add a slight graininess to the shakey but you will get over it.

I have had a rubbish immune system for years and I reckon protein is good for it. Also awesome for vegans and veggo's who aren't getting enough proteins in their diet and it makes your brain bigger. A jar costs around $50 which is heaps, but I have been using my jar from Jack for about a year and I am not yet half way through!

I love drinking a meal. So cool, and oh so convenient if I am driving or riding a mechanical bull. My kid also loves a shakey, but she likes soy milk so I just top hers up with a bit and mix it in.

This is a totally imprecise form of cooking. I love it!

Ingredients. These are what I have in the freezer, fridge and cupboard. No endorsements. As you can see I try and get everything organic. Not all organics are the same, some of these brands are low grade, some are high.

I just invented...

Blue Breakfast Shakey

Ingredients - all approximate, go with the flow....

Small handful frozen blueberries (or any berries or fruit, berries are low carb and super nutritious)
1/2 cup soaked cashews (I soak 2 cups before bed and use them in different things)
1 tablespoon protein powder
4 tablespoons coconut cream or milk (or cream)
1 or 2 teaspoons of natural fake sugar (stevia or natvia or whatever)
1 teaspoon maple syrup (optional)
pinch of salt (optional)
1 cup almond milk 


Method

Bung everything in a whizzer. Any kind of whizzer thingy will do. I use a cafe express that my friend Nat loaned me. If it is too thick add more almond milk. If you like it sweeter add more sweet stuff.

 YUM YUM PIGS BUM!

F*CKING AWESOME PECAN PIE

I JUST INVENTED GLUTEN FREE LOW CARB INSANITY OR WHAT I LIKE TO CALL,

 F*CKING AWESOME PECAN PIE.

Ok, so my bro and I are still doing the low carb thing with amazing results. We are eating high veg, meat, egg, cream and nuts and berries, low on the grains and spuds.

We have both lost weight, but also 'jelly'. Now a little bit of Jelly is dam sexy, but I was starting to worry about mine, I am small, so I hide it well, but I was definitely on the road to getting much bigger and more wobbly and my back was starting to hang over the top of my skinny jeans. A big no no for a fashion conscious middle aged punk.

I also have been carrying a lot of fluid on my body which has all but disappeared from my ankles and lower back and thighs. My arthritis pain is at about half it's usual burn, I have had that since I was 25 - I couldn't walk for about 3 months. It isn't going to go away, but it defo hurts less. Some of the research suggests that a low sugar low carb way of eating may also improve my bone density. I will get back to you in a year about that, but currently (due probably to gluten sensitivity) it is about that of an unhealthy 70 year old.

So I have been going apeshit, researching and experimenting. I with the help of my brothers iphone have discovered there are some artificial sweeteners out there that are not bad for you! They are made from sugar alcohol or something and some can actually be very good for people with bone density issues and such. I am using one that I found at the stupidmarket. It is called Nativia. It is a combo of Stevia (an herb) and Erythritol, which is found in fruit. info on erythritol to peruse.

Here is how it goes.

F*CKING AWESOME PECAN PIE.

The stuff that goes in it.

Crust
25g of salted butter
1.5- 2 cups of almond meal.

Melt butter. Nuke it or bung it on the stove. Mix with almond meal. Tip into a cheesecake tin, or a glass pie dish. Push around until it covers the base. I like thin bases, so if you want it thick and up the sides double this quantity.

Filling (try not to drink it all before you cook it).

15g salted butter melted
50ml maple syrup - I effing love this stuff so much
1 large teaspoon of Black Strap Molasses - optional, but freaking yum
250ml thickened cream
1/4 cup Nativia natural fake sugar - or similar, don't use plain stevia though, it will taste foul
2 eggs
1 teaspoon gf baking powder
250g Pecans. (reserve some for fancy decoration if you like).

Mix everything but the pecans together. I just did it in my Pyrex Jug with a whisk. I love my jug. They cost about 12 bucks but they are worth every cent and last forever.
 Chuck the pecans on top of the pie crust then pour over the yummy custardy juice.

Bung in the oven. I didn't pay much attention and nearly burnt it because I was busy writing this, but I reckon about 180-200C for about 25 to 40 mins. Ish. Just keep an eye on it.

Cooked a little fast, but still delicious.

I have turned mine off and left it in the oven, it is a bit wobbly but seems firm to the touch, a delightful golden brown. I am going to leave it in there for a few mins then take it out to cool completely.

OMG, I couldn't wait for it to cool, so had a taste test and burnt my tongue! It is delicious!
Now I have to wait for it to cool so I can take fancy shots of it on the x-mas plate.

You could have this with cream, or cashew cream or coconut cream.
I think this one will be pretty hard to make vegan, but I will try one day.

Genius! Though it was a bit hard to get out of the pan, perhaps if cooked slower it would work better. NOMMY.

Today I invented gf/vegan/sugar free BALLS....

Ok, so I invent stuff. Friends on Fb will have seen me do this. I have invented some pretty cool food. Mostly sweets.

 At the moment I am on a low carb- high protein - high fat diet, and because I have half a brain I think it will be cool. I am trying to loose the 5 kilo I put on when I broke my toe in a pole dancing accident a couple of years ago. I had to stop Irish dancing too. Dancey style exercise is my other favourite thing next to inventing stuff.

So now I am tap dancing with Miss Naomi AND I am on the low carb diet. Most grains make me sick anyway, like really gross farty and bloated sick, so this can't be a bad thing.

My brother is also doing this diet and he is studying to be a nurse. He is heaps smarter than me so I reckon it will work. He also has a lot more to lose than me. So far he has lost 6 kilo! YAY HIM!*

I like sweets. Sweets contain carbs. I don't like fake sugar because it contains carcinogens and stuff that makes you fart and farts are gross. So I am experimenting with Stevia. I bought some of the little packets last week at the stupidmarket.

WARNING. Do not eat stevia straight from the packet, it tastes like shit.

I just invented - Almond and Coconut Balls. Vegan, Gluten Free, Sugar free, Low Carb.

 

Recipe goes like this,

1 cup coconut
1.5 cups almond meal
1/2 tub tofu cream cheese like Tofutti.
3 little packets of stevia or some other chemical sugar replacer that will make farts.
Some sugar free jam - I used Dick Smith Raspberry sugar free jam, cos he's a rad bloke.

All measurements and times are approximate and to taste. If you hate coconut, just use almond meal. 

Chuck all the dry stuff in a bowl and mix. Then slap in the tofutti. I mixed it with a fork until my arm was hurting and then I mixed it with my hands. It should resemble playdough that has been made with the wrong flour. Make it into walnut sized balls. Or the size of your favourite Tv characters' balls. Then pop onto a tray lined with baking paper. Then with your awesome finger push a hole into the top of each ball. Fill the hole with about 1/4 tsp of jam. Bake in a oven at about 180C or the equivalent. If you don't know what that is you can google it. I can't be bothered. Cook until golden. Then try one and burn your tongue. Turn off the oven and leave the cookie balls in there for a while. It will make them a bit crunchy on the outside.

Then, if you want to make them really ace, melt some sugar free chocolate (available in the protein bar section of the stupidmarket) and blob some on top. The brand I use is also made with stevia, so its is chemical free.

Fucking YUM!

I tested them on lil't's percussion teacher and she didn't die! you can see her ongoing blog here as she is still alive and all, she invents percussive soundscape things. It is called Momentum.

*disclaimer thingy - I am body proud, and believe everyone should be so, but also I like to be body comfortable, which is a different thing. I haven't felt right since I put on the weight. It isn't much but I am reeeeally short so it is like a real person putting on 15kilo, it is simply uncomfortable. My pants hurt me and my plumber crack is scaring my kid. Also, with my brother, he looks like a freaking movie star when he is in comfy body mode! Awesome.