Saturday, 10 November 2012



I have been trying to make low carb donuts with NO success so I chucked it in for now and am sticking to pancakes.

I have been experimenting for a while and I have it perfected. These pancakes are gluten free, low carb, grain free, paleo and Yum Bum. Unfortunately I am still struggling to make something like this vegan. So please feel free to offer egg free suggestions.


1.5 banana's
3 eggs
1 tablespoon coconut flour
1 teaspoon gf baking powder
1 large tablespoon of nut butter - I use the almond, brazil, cashew kind. I am yet to try peanutbutter..
1 pinch salt
Butter for the pan

Method of awesome

Put all the ingredients except butter into your preferred whizzing machine. A vitamiser,  blender, the other thingo. Or you can mash up the naana's and then mix with all the other ingredients with a fork or  whisk really well. The batter should be fairly thick but pourable.

Heat up a fry pan and chuck in a dollop of butter - about a teaspoon. Let it melt and get frothy, then carefully pour in some batter to the centre of the pan. Keep them fairly small as they can be a little trickier to flip than flour pancakes. Allow to cook until bubbles form on top and then slip the flipper thing, spatula, under all the edges (which doesn't make sense cause there is only one edge, it is a circle after all). Then take a deep breath and flip it over. Cook for another minute or so. Put more butter in the pan and repeat.

Top with whatever you like. I had strawberries, extra butter and pretend Maple Syrup that is sugar free. But you could have sugar free jam, 'sugar' and lemon juice, bacon (best with maple syrup), even savoury toppings. Whatever!

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Cheesy Thai Avacodo and Tuna Bake.

For some reason this recipe makes me think of Hawaii. Maybe it needs some pineapple to make it a truly bizzarre dish.
I am a master of making kick arse food out of the few ingredients in the empty fridge. I do have an awesome pantry which helps a lot. Stock that fucker up with stuff and you will never need go hungry again.
Ok, so this dish is burk. I love it.
Recipe for 1 so just multiply accordingly. The kid is at Nanna's so it's just me, the avocado and some gin, perhaps later some Dollhouse for some Alpha action. Yehhhpha.
Anyway, viewing habits aside, this is how it rolls -

Cheesy Thai Avocado and Tuna Bake

Looks like a big shiny cheesy fucking mess of yum.

Methode Champanoise-

Base 1 avocado per person.
Cut in half, and lay it on a tray on some foil hole side up. Do chuck the stone. I think you can grow it into a tree like this.... so cool.

Topping per person -

1 stick celery chopped into tiny little bits
30 ish Thai mint leaves
1 stick spring onion (or green onion, or scallion, or whatever the fuck they are called).
1 medium tin of tuna in oil, drained
1 tsp fish sauce or oyster sauce
1 tablespoon of sushi ginger chopped teeny
2 tablespoons of sushi seasoning or vinegar
2 tablespoons mayo
1/2 to 1 cup of grated cheese for on top of the mess.

Methode Champenoise Gruet-

Mix all the topping ingredients together except the cheese. Taste it. Yum hey?
Blob it all over the avocado. Then put cheese all over the top. Grill under hot grill* for about 10 - 15 mins until Ballistic like a Missile!

*but not too close to the elements/gas, I took out the tray thingy and put the tray and foil at the bottom.

So good, I ate it in about 7 minutes whilst blogging the awesomeness. 

Friday, 12 October 2012

MONDO Peanut Butter Chocolate cups

That are kinda good for you! 

Right, here we go, peanut butter choc cups that are similar to the famous Hershey's treat. I love American chocolate and jelly beans and donuts but I don't want to put shitty food in my body any more so I have been researching raw choc recipes on other blogs. These two in particular are a real inspiration for me, Rawified and Fork and Beans.

Tested them on the English teacher. He was reasonably impressed but I think he needed them sweeter. This recipe obliges.
I am trying to make my choc's low carb as well. Feel free to follow the awesome recipes on these blogs which use honey, agave and maple syrup. So delicious and still really good for you too. Or use mine that mainly use Natvia which is a brand of fake sugar that is reasonably natural being stevia and erythritol, or just plain stevia.

The better the cocoa, the better the chocolate.

There is a tiny bit of alcohol in the recipe, to dissolve the fake sugar, but it is cooked off in the microwave, so these choccies are ok to give to the kiddies. Although you probably won't want to share them at all, so tell them they have dog pooh in them or just don't have kids around you when you make them. I did share, but I need feedback. I have recommended more sweetener than I used in my first batch. They just needed a bit more to kick through the strong bitterness of the raw cocoa.



1/2 cup  Coconut Butter. You get this from all health food shops, it is a bit pricey but goes a long way.
6 heaped tbs of Raw Cocoa Powder. Again a bit pricey but worth it. Or any good quality cocoa.
4 tsp of sugar replacer.
1 cap full of gin or vodka or other alcohol
1 tablespoon of malt syrup


Nuke the coconut butter in a pyrex jug or similar, or in a small saucepan for about 30 seconds. It melts fast. Mix in the cocoa powder and malt syrup.

In a little cup or bowl, mix the sugar and alcohol. Place in a microwave (bit hard on stove as it is so little) and heat for about 40 seconds or until 'sugar' has dissolved. Granulated sugars of most kinds will not dissolve well in the coconut butter. Another option would be to use a liquid sweetener, but I am yet to get one.

Mix the sugar syrup into the choc syrup. DONE!

You can do so much, just put it in molds as is or add any ingredients you like - vanilla, peppermint essence, dried fruit (high in carbs though) nuts. Whatever you love.

Now for the peanut butter filling! 

1/2 cup natural peanut butter. Not the crazy chemical stuff you normally see on the shelf.
1 teaspoon of salt, or more to taste. This is supposed to be super salty.
3 teaspoons of sugar replacer done with the vodka/gin again. The filling also needs to be super sweet.
1 tablespoon melted coconut butter.
1/2 finely ground coconut. I just whizzed it in the whizzer.

Mix all ingredients together. NOM. Test to see you are happy with the level of sweetness and saltiness. This is key to trying to get them like the Amercano ones.

To assemble

I used a mini cupcake pan, but if you don't have one that is cool,  just put the little foil chocolate patty pans on a tray. First layer in a bit of the choc and then pop in the freezer for a few minutes to set, then add a layer of the peanut stuff, freeze again, then another layer of choc, and freeze again. 

You could do this in any kind of mold, or in a take away container as a slab which you then cut up. Set in the freezer for a while if you need to cut it. Then gobble up. But be careful, they are super duper rich, and are best nibbled. This kind of choc does melt faster in the fingers than store bought crud.

I reckon you could store them for a while, but pffft, as if!  Thinking of making these as chrissie presents this year. My family always get home made presents from me I think they think the presents suck, but I don't care. I usually make them hand made soap. They think I am insane. Whatev's.

Enjoy this eating healthy chocolate. It gives you super powers.

So fricken yummy. My kid loves them. I love them. I am not normally a huge fan of chocolate either.

Thursday, 11 October 2012

"Gillard spoke up for my vagina" T-Shirts & Hoodies & Stickers by MsThunderballs | Redbubble

 So here it is, the t-shirt that says it all.

An important side note, I am not a party promoter or even follower. I do not support a lot of what the Labor party in Aus stands for. I am an anarchist and I vote below the line. But Ms Gillard has changed the course of history with this one. Just sayin'. Oh and all profits (which aren't much really as redbubble gets most of it for making the tee) go to supporting two hard working ball busting artists! Snaps to my good friend and collaborator Hamish. We did good on this one, more to come I am sure.

And please feel free to give suggestions on the design and concept, positive and negative. This is a job that we slammed together in 2 days so it can always be improved upon!

If the tee is too expensive at $35 you can get a sticker for 5 easy bucks.

"Gillard spoke up for my vagina" T-Shirts & Hoodies by MsThunderballs | Redbubble:

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Planning the takeover at 2am.

File:Mary Wollstonecraft cph.3b11901.jpg
This total babe is Mary Wollstonecraft. Awesome feminist author and mother of Mary Shelley.

At 2.30 am I am plotting world domination (again) and stalking feminist bloggers who own a penis and or a vagina.

Mary Wollstonecraft did not own a penis, but she did write feminist works in the 1800's. Yeah, I know right, how's that? There were women who could write books back then. I am yet to read hers but am totally intrigued. Anyone who knows me knows that I am an Austen junkie. So I am sure her books will be equally as entertaining even if there is no Darcy cake at the end. Darcy would be a total feminist if he were alive today.

I am enthralled, possibly in lust, with the writing of this chappie - Ben Pobjie. His pro femme rants are brilliant. I love a man who isn't afraid to stand for feminism - as all my fave man friends do.

Yay you Ben.

Oh so yeah, going to take over the world using the most powerful tool of all...The Tee Shirt. Yep. Watch this space for t-shirt awesomeness.


Monday, 8 October 2012

Fast food nation.

So,  I was starving after a hard morning shopping at Savers and I just wanted some fast food.
I grabbed a tin of lentils which I drained a bit of the liquid from. Chucked it in a fry pan with a stick of chopped celery a heaped teaspoon of veg stock powder and a few semi dried tomatoes. The toms didn't really suit.

Simmered the lot till nearly all the liquid was gone. Served in a bowl with some Danish fetta.
5 mins tops! Enough for lunch for one or a snack for two. Serve with toffuti and lemon juice for vegany goodness.

So damn easy, super nutritious and tasty!

Tuesday, 2 October 2012


Ok, I am going to do this one in two parts. First will be the mousse, as it is easier to make. The lemon butter is a bit tricky (in other words, I have to make it again to remember how I did it the first time!).

I believe in sweets. Sweets are what makes life worth living when your a single woman with no time for sweet lovin' action with the lads. Sweets finish the day. They get you ready for a night alone with True Blood.

Um, oh shit, yeah, enough about my sad night life.

So to the recipe for the creamy lemon mousse pud. This recipe is raw, vegan, gluten free and sugar free. It can be made with honey (not vegan) or maple syrup if you prefer.

I just invented -

Crazy Lemon Mousse


To make 1 generous serve or two wimpy ones that will leave you crying for more.....

1 cup of cashews soaked overnight in water.
1/2 squeezed lemon and its zest (add more lemon juice at the end if you like it)
1 1/2 teaspoons of natural sweetener of choice
Water, about 1/4 of a cup to start and then add in table spoons if you need more.
1/2 teaspoon powdered ginger


Chuck all the ingredients in a whizzer of your choice (vitamizer, cafe express, food processor)
Whizz until smooth, add more water and lemon juice and sweetener as needed. Should be a mousse like consistency. The cashews get very smooth. To serve, top with a tablespoon of lemon butter, a sprinkle of powdered ginger and a slice of lemon. If you don't have lemon butter mix some sugar free jam with lemon juice. NOM! 

Using whizzed cashews is so cool. You could make choccie mousse or a berry one, vanilla or even use it as a base for kick arse vegan savoury dips. And it is good for you, well, as long as you don't have anaphylactic reactions to nuts. But hell yeah! This shit is good for you and nearly anyone can eat it. Even kids will gobble this stuff up. I love giving it to my 'I hate nuts' daughter!

Triple YUM BUMS for this one.

Monday, 1 October 2012

Insane Toasties.

 Recipe 2 of the meal planner.

Yes, Aussies do like to put either 'ies' or 'zza' or 'ster' at the end of words.

So here is a Toastie recipe for Vonnsta and Jezza from The Tarnster.

Again this is low carb and gluten free. It could be made vegan by omitting everything in it alltogether and replacing with other stuff like mushrooms and tofu cheese or toffuti cream cheese and semi dried tomatoes.

Mine is a classic ham and cheese toastie using free range ham.

Make it Veggo and use Mighty Mite, or Promite, or Vegemite. Just put whatever you put on your normal fucking sandwich yeah. I like Mighty Mite because it is gluten free and made and owned in Aus.

The thing I am finding with going low carb, is I am so friggin full after each meal, and I don't really get peckish later on. My kid is snacking less too, although she does have more carbs than me in the way of more fruit and a bit of gf bread and a bit of milk.

Served with a stick of celery coated with yummy natural peanut butter. I was so full after eating this. I made the photo look like it came out of the Women's Weekly cook book from the 70's. Crazy.


Place a tortilla on your sandwich maker or under the griller
Stack all your ingredients on the tortilla  (I used a gluten free one. They are really expensive so a special treat for me. But if your not gf they are pretty cheap.)
Close the sandwich maker to just hovering above the ingredients
Close the griller but leave the door open or the house will catch on fire
Cook until crispy and melty and yum.


Blue Breakfast Shakey

This is part 1 of my 'menu planner' that my bestie Vonnie asked me for. This shakey is great any time of day but I usually have one for breakkie. They are awesome because you can put anything in them, even bacon if you really want to.

I call them shakey's because smoothie sounds like a type of pooh, or a misogynist or something.

Shakies are vegan or veggo unless you put in the bacon. I don't use milk or soy as they are packed with carbs, which is what I am avoiding at the mo. So almond milk, cream, any nut milk, coconut milk. I sometimes like to add a raw egg. It makes me feel like Rocky Balboa.

I also usually use protein powder. My friend Jack, who has lots of muscles, gave me a huge jar of the stuff because he didn't like the flavour. Pfft, it doesn't have any flavour Jack. You can get pea or soy protein or whey and a bunch of other ones but don't get flavoured ones or ones with loads of additives. I like the pea because it is absolutely flavourless and has nothing else added. It does add a slight graininess to the shakey but you will get over it.

I have had a rubbish immune system for years and I reckon protein is good for it. Also awesome for vegans and veggo's who aren't getting enough proteins in their diet and it makes your brain bigger. A jar costs around $50 which is heaps, but I have been using my jar from Jack for about a year and I am not yet half way through!

I love drinking a meal. So cool, and oh so convenient if I am driving or riding a mechanical bull. My kid also loves a shakey, but she likes soy milk so I just top hers up with a bit and mix it in.

This is a totally imprecise form of cooking. I love it!
Ingredients. These are what I have in the freezer, fridge and cupboard. No endorsements. As you can see I try and get everything organic. Not all organics are the same, some of these brands are low grade, some are high.

I just invented...

Blue Breakfast Shakey

Ingredients - all approximate, go with the flow....

Small handful frozen blueberries (or any berries or fruit, berries are low carb and super nutritious)
1/2 cup soaked cashews (I soak 2 cups before bed and use them in different things)
1 tablespoon protein powder
4 tablespoons coconut cream or milk (or cream)
1 or 2 teaspoons of natural fake sugar (stevia or natvia or whatever)
1 teaspoon maple syrup (optional)
pinch of salt (optional)
1 cup almond milk 


Bung everything in a whizzer. Any kind of whizzer thingy will do. I use a cafe express that my friend Nat loaned me. If it is too thick add more almond milk. If you like it sweeter add more sweet stuff.


Thursday, 27 September 2012




Ok, so my bro and I are still doing the low carb thing with amazing results. We are eating high veg, meat, egg, cream and nuts and berries, low on the grains and spuds.

We have both lost weight, but also 'jelly'. Now a little bit of Jelly is dam sexy, but I was starting to worry about mine, I am small, so I hide it well, but I was definitely on the road to getting much bigger and more wobbly and my back was starting to hang over the top of my skinny jeans. A big no no for a fashion conscious middle aged punk.

I also have been carrying a lot of fluid on my body which has all but disappeared from my ankles and lower back and thighs. My arthritis pain is at about half it's usual burn, I have had that since I was 25 - I couldn't walk for about 3 months. It isn't going to go away, but it defo hurts less. Some of the research suggests that a low sugar low carb way of eating may also improve my bone density. I will get back to you in a year about that, but currently (due probably to gluten sensitivity) it is about that of an unhealthy 70 year old.

So I have been going apeshit, researching and experimenting. I with the help of my brothers iphone have discovered there are some artificial sweeteners out there that are not bad for you! They are made from sugar alcohol or something and some can actually be very good for people with bone density issues and such. I am using one that I found at the stupidmarket. It is called Nativia. It is a combo of Stevia (an herb) and Erythritol, which is found in fruit. info on erythritol to peruse.

Here is how it goes.


The stuff that goes in it.

25g of salted butter
1.5- 2 cups of almond meal.

Melt butter. Nuke it or bung it on the stove. Mix with almond meal. Tip into a cheesecake tin, or a glass pie dish. Push around until it covers the base. I like thin bases, so if you want it thick and up the sides double this quantity.

Filling (try not to drink it all before you cook it).

15g salted butter melted
50ml maple syrup - I effing love this stuff so much
1 large teaspoon of Black Strap Molasses - optional, but freaking yum
250ml thickened cream
1/4 cup Nativia natural fake sugar - or similar, don't use plain stevia though, it will taste foul
2 eggs
1 teaspoon gf baking powder
250g Pecans. (reserve some for fancy decoration if you like).

Mix everything but the pecans together. I just did it in my Pyrex Jug with a whisk. I love my jug. They cost about 12 bucks but they are worth every cent and last forever.
 Chuck the pecans on top of the pie crust then pour over the yummy custardy juice.

Bung in the oven. I didn't pay much attention and nearly burnt it because I was busy writing this, but I reckon about 180-200C for about 25 to 40 mins. Ish. Just keep an eye on it.

Cooked a little fast, but still delicious.

I have turned mine off and left it in the oven, it is a bit wobbly but seems firm to the touch, a delightful golden brown. I am going to leave it in there for a few mins then take it out to cool completely.

OMG, I couldn't wait for it to cool, so had a taste test and burnt my tongue! It is delicious!
Now I have to wait for it to cool so I can take fancy shots of it on the x-mas plate.

You could have this with cream, or cashew cream or coconut cream.
I think this one will be pretty hard to make vegan, but I will try one day.

Genius! Though it was a bit hard to get out of the pan, perhaps if cooked slower it would work better. NOMMY.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012

Today I invented gf/vegan/sugar free BALLS....

Ok, so I invent stuff. Friends on Fb will have seen me do this. I have invented some pretty cool food. Mostly sweets.

 At the moment I am on a low carb- high protein - high fat diet, and because I have half a brain I think it will be cool. I am trying to loose the 5 kilo I put on when I broke my toe in a pole dancing accident a couple of years ago. I had to stop Irish dancing too. Dancey style exercise is my other favourite thing next to inventing stuff.

So now I am tap dancing with Miss Naomi AND I am on the low carb diet. Most grains make me sick anyway, like really gross farty and bloated sick, so this can't be a bad thing.

My brother is also doing this diet and he is studying to be a nurse. He is heaps smarter than me so I reckon it will work. He also has a lot more to lose than me. So far he has lost 6 kilo! YAY HIM!*

I like sweets. Sweets contain carbs. I don't like fake sugar because it contains carcinogens and stuff that makes you fart and farts are gross. So I am experimenting with Stevia. I bought some of the little packets last week at the stupidmarket.

WARNING. Do not eat stevia straight from the packet, it tastes like shit.

I just invented - Almond and Coconut Balls. Vegan, Gluten Free, Sugar free, Low Carb.


Recipe goes like this,

1 cup coconut
1.5 cups almond meal
1/2 tub tofu cream cheese like Tofutti.
3 little packets of stevia or some other chemical sugar replacer that will make farts.
Some sugar free jam - I used Dick Smith Raspberry sugar free jam, cos he's a rad bloke.

All measurements and times are approximate and to taste. If you hate coconut, just use almond meal. 

Chuck all the dry stuff in a bowl and mix. Then slap in the tofutti. I mixed it with a fork until my arm was hurting and then I mixed it with my hands. It should resemble playdough that has been made with the wrong flour. Make it into walnut sized balls. Or the size of your favourite Tv characters' balls. Then pop onto a tray lined with baking paper. Then with your awesome finger push a hole into the top of each ball. Fill the hole with about 1/4 tsp of jam. Bake in a oven at about 180C or the equivalent. If you don't know what that is you can google it. I can't be bothered. Cook until golden. Then try one and burn your tongue. Turn off the oven and leave the cookie balls in there for a while. It will make them a bit crunchy on the outside.

Then, if you want to make them really ace, melt some sugar free chocolate (available in the protein bar section of the stupidmarket) and blob some on top. The brand I use is also made with stevia, so its is chemical free.

Fucking YUM!

I tested them on lil't's percussion teacher and she didn't die! you can see her ongoing blog here as she is still alive and all, she invents percussive soundscape things. It is called Momentum.

*disclaimer thingy - I am body proud, and believe everyone should be so, but also I like to be body comfortable, which is a different thing. I haven't felt right since I put on the weight. It isn't much but I am reeeeally short so it is like a real person putting on 15kilo, it is simply uncomfortable. My pants hurt me and my plumber crack is scaring my kid. Also, with my brother, he looks like a freaking movie star when he is in comfy body mode! Awesome.