Tuesday, 28 August 2012

Today I invented gf/vegan/sugar free BALLS....

Ok, so I invent stuff. Friends on Fb will have seen me do this. I have invented some pretty cool food. Mostly sweets.

 At the moment I am on a low carb- high protein - high fat diet, and because I have half a brain I think it will be cool. I am trying to loose the 5 kilo I put on when I broke my toe in a pole dancing accident a couple of years ago. I had to stop Irish dancing too. Dancey style exercise is my other favourite thing next to inventing stuff.

So now I am tap dancing with Miss Naomi AND I am on the low carb diet. Most grains make me sick anyway, like really gross farty and bloated sick, so this can't be a bad thing.

My brother is also doing this diet and he is studying to be a nurse. He is heaps smarter than me so I reckon it will work. He also has a lot more to lose than me. So far he has lost 6 kilo! YAY HIM!*

I like sweets. Sweets contain carbs. I don't like fake sugar because it contains carcinogens and stuff that makes you fart and farts are gross. So I am experimenting with Stevia. I bought some of the little packets last week at the stupidmarket.

WARNING. Do not eat stevia straight from the packet, it tastes like shit.

I just invented - Almond and Coconut Balls. Vegan, Gluten Free, Sugar free, Low Carb.


Recipe goes like this,

1 cup coconut
1.5 cups almond meal
1/2 tub tofu cream cheese like Tofutti.
3 little packets of stevia or some other chemical sugar replacer that will make farts.
Some sugar free jam - I used Dick Smith Raspberry sugar free jam, cos he's a rad bloke.

All measurements and times are approximate and to taste. If you hate coconut, just use almond meal. 

Chuck all the dry stuff in a bowl and mix. Then slap in the tofutti. I mixed it with a fork until my arm was hurting and then I mixed it with my hands. It should resemble playdough that has been made with the wrong flour. Make it into walnut sized balls. Or the size of your favourite Tv characters' balls. Then pop onto a tray lined with baking paper. Then with your awesome finger push a hole into the top of each ball. Fill the hole with about 1/4 tsp of jam. Bake in a oven at about 180C or the equivalent. If you don't know what that is you can google it. I can't be bothered. Cook until golden. Then try one and burn your tongue. Turn off the oven and leave the cookie balls in there for a while. It will make them a bit crunchy on the outside.

Then, if you want to make them really ace, melt some sugar free chocolate (available in the protein bar section of the stupidmarket) and blob some on top. The brand I use is also made with stevia, so its is chemical free.

Fucking YUM!

I tested them on lil't's percussion teacher and she didn't die! you can see her ongoing blog here as she is still alive and all, she invents percussive soundscape things. It is called Momentum.

*disclaimer thingy - I am body proud, and believe everyone should be so, but also I like to be body comfortable, which is a different thing. I haven't felt right since I put on the weight. It isn't much but I am reeeeally short so it is like a real person putting on 15kilo, it is simply uncomfortable. My pants hurt me and my plumber crack is scaring my kid. Also, with my brother, he looks like a freaking movie star when he is in comfy body mode! Awesome.